Finding Myself Again: Writing as Therapy Amidst Exploding Head Syndrome
Hi! It’s been a while since the last time I wrote on Medium. Life has a way of pulling you in different directions, and for me, writing took a backseat. But now, I find myself back here, on this familiar platform, with a new purpose.
This time, it’s not just about sharing thoughts or ideas but healing. My doctor suggested I return to writing as a form of therapy, a way to express the whirlwind of emotions and experiences I’ve been through recently. Whether anyone reads this or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that I start writing again.
What Happened?
For those who don’t know me, I’m just an ordinary person with an ordinary life — at least, that’s what it seemed like on the surface. I used to write on Medium a few years ago, sharing random musings about life, work, and everything in between.
But as time went on, life got busier, and I found myself drifting away from writing. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I had other things to focus on — work, family, and the daily grind that keeps us all occupied.
The Beginning of the Disruption
It all started innocently enough — an occasional loud noise just as I was falling asleep or waking up. It sounded like a door slamming or a gunshot, but when I opened my eyes, everything was calm and quiet. At first, I brushed it off as part of a weird dream.
But then, it started happening more frequently, and the sounds became more intense. It wasn’t just disturbing — it was terrifying. Imagine trying to sleep, only to be jolted awake by an explosion that only you can hear. I began to dread going to bed, afraid of what I might listen to next.
These sounds weren’t just simple explosions; they were vivid, violent noises that seemed so real. Sometimes it was like a gas stove exploding, other times it felt like a bomb going off right next to me.
I’d hear the rumbling of thunder as if a storm was raging in my head, or the shattering of glass as if a light bulb had burst in my room. Each time, the shock was so real, so powerful, that my heart would race, and I’d be left wide awake, too scared to close my eyes again.
But it wasn’t just the sounds that haunted me. There were nights when I’d experience sleep paralysis, where I couldn’t move or speak, and it felt like something was holding me down.
it’s a terrifying feeling — being completely aware but utterly helpless, trapped in your own body. Those nights were the worst, leaving me afraid to fall asleep again, fearing the combination of paralyzing fear and deafening noise.
Seeking Help
Eventually, the fear and confusion became too much to handle on my own, so I decided to seek professional help. I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist, unsure of what to expect.
I remember sitting in the waiting room, my mind racing with questions and doubts. When I finally met with the doctor, I hesitated, unsure of how to explain what I was going through. But as I began to talk, the words came pouring out — the fear, the anxiety, the constant noise that only I could hear.
After listening patiently, my doctor introduced me to a term I had never heard before; Exploding Head Syndrome. It turns out that these terrifying noises were actually a rare sleep disorder, not a sign of impending madness.
I was both relieved and frustrated. On one hand, I was glad to have a name for what I was experiencing. On the other hand, knowing the name didn’t make the noise any less frightening.
Medium as Part of My Therapy
During our sessions, my doctor suggested that I start writing again. He said that writing could be a powerful tool for processing emotions and managing stress. I was skeptical at first.
How could writing possibly help with something as bizarre as Exploding Head Syndrome? But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Writing has always been a way for me to clear my mind, to make sense of things that are hard to understand.
So here I am, back on Medium, ready to give it a try. I’m not expecting miracles, but I do hope that by sharing my experiences, I can start to make peace with them. Maybe writing will help me understand what I’m going through — or at the very least, help me cope with it.
Well, honestly I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I’m committed to seeing it through. Writing has always been a part of me, and maybe it’s time I reconnected with that part.
If you’re reading this, thank you for taking the time to listen to my story. But even if no one reads it, that’s okay too. This is for me — a step toward healing, a way to reclaim a part of my life that has felt out of control for too long.
So, here’s to starting again. One word at a time.